USS AIG Struck By Iceberg
Posted on 01. Mar, 2009 by Simon Banks in Business, Finance
U.S. NEWS — Headlines: Sept. 16, 2008 the United States largest flagship insurance carrier, the “U.S.S. AIG” was struck by an iceberg in the north Atlantic at 12:14 a.m. Details are still unclear as to the extent of the damage; however, CIDA News is getting reports of a radio S.O.S. transmission that was sent out just after the iceberg was struck.
U.S.S. AIG after it struck an iceberg Sept. 16, 2008
Radio Operator: S.O.S. S.O.S. – U.S.S. AIG needs immediate assistance. Have struck iceberg and are going down by the nose. Repeat – we have struck iceberg and are sinking. All ships in the vicinity please respond.
U.S.S. Private Sector — Please repeat – it sounded like you said you need assistance and are going under! (Captain to engine room – slow these engines down – we can’t afford to get on scene first)
U.S.S. Venture Capital — Your signal is unclear – what did you say? Your radio signal is weak. (later reports would show that there was nothing wrong with the radio signal)
Radio Operator — repeat – have struck iceberg and we are sinking. Water has come up over second level airtight compartment and pumps are failing. Any assistance would help…
U.S.S. Private Sector — We are 200 miles out and will get there as soon as possible.
U.S.S. Government — We are en route to your location and will be there momentarily – what do you need?
U.S.S. AIG Radio Operator: Our short term pumps are failing and our assets have been stretched to the limit. If you have $85 Billion on board we believe that we can patch up the breach and get into dry dock for an overhaul.
Our news sources tell us that even though there were other ships in the area only one came to the rescue:
The final decision to help AIG came Tuesday as the federal government concluded it would be “catastrophic” to allow the insurer to fail, according to a person familiar with the matter. Over the weekend, federal officials had tried to get the private sector to pony up some funds. But when that effort failed, Fed Chairman Bernanke, New York Fed President Timothy Geithner and Treasury Secretary Paulson concluded that federal assistance was needed to avert an AIG bankruptcy, which they feared could have disastrous repercussions.
Slow to make repairs U.S.S. AIG still sinking
Less than two months after the U.S.S. Government answered several distress signals from insurance giant flagship U.S.S. AIG – AIG still has yet to make drydock and effect repairs from the iceberg damage.
The first on Oct. 8th, 2008 when the U.S.S. Government with the help of the U.S.S. Taxpayer brought additional $37 billion dollars worth of assistance to help the sinking U.S.S. AIG stay afloat long enough to get into shore since it was still too far out for tugs to be called in for assistance. Although 79% of the damage was slowed down – U.S.S. AIG was still taking on water and so, on Nov. 9, 2008 a third distress signal was sent out. Coincidentally, the U.S.S. Government was once again on the scene:
Just a few more buckets - I think we have it under control!
Third Distress Signal Radio Operator: S.O.S. – S.O.S. We are still taking on water. Fourth compartment has been breached. Need immediate assistance or we will flounder. “We cannot continue to hemorrhage cash in the two areas of securities lending and credit default swaps,” Chief Executive Edward Liddy said on a conference call. “We need to stop that, and we need to stop it now. — Reuters.com: AIG gets $150 billion government bailout”
U.S.S. Government — We will assist you with $150 billion dollars worth of life jackets but you must make repairs as soon as possible.
U.S.S. AIG — understood! We will stuff the $150 billion dollars worth of life jackets in the breach as see if we can float to the nearest port.
As the U.S.S. AIG slowly steamed along to make shore – the Captain and chief officers were flown ahead in the ship’s private helicopter to alert the repair dock in the port of Colorado. The Captain and chief officers were forced to wait for repairs in a run-down hotel with no amenities and food that was barely edible. Our last report – they were still there.
Meanwhile, U.S.S. AIG began listing badly in “The bailout that won’t quit”, and sent out another distress signal.
Radio Operator: …This may be my final message (or not). May not make port. Need additional $30 billion in funds to get us until next month. Generators are failing. Crew are on deck with their pension funds and retirement accounts secured around their necks just in case. Passengers are being calmed with stringed quartet on the promenade deck and lido deck.
Need more help… “NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) — Troubled insurer American International Group is looking for more help from the federal government as it struggles to sell off assets and keep its core businesses afloat.”
And then all was silent!
What will happen to the largest insurance flagship that ever sailed he high seas, we do not know. But we must ask one question – when do you let a ship sink and get all the passengers off?
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